Our conversations about civic matters—economic policies,
schooling systems, religion, science, and social institutions—are severely
lacking in nuance and reasoned debate. Instead, what flourishes are simplistic
arguments and ad hominem attacks.
This trend is strengthened by a media environment where we can easily consume
pieces tailored to our point of view, avoiding challenge and change.
On Being is a weekly public radio show hosted by Krista
Tippett ostensibly about religion and spirituality, but now the host of a
broader series of discussions called the Civil Conversations Project. I used to
turn off On Being when it came on my radio Sunday afternoons, put off by the
wispy quality, assuming it was a liberal echo chamber of feel-good, empty
spirituality.
But as I would listen in snippets, or accidentally turn it
on in the car, I found it to be a series of careful, respectful dialogues about
difficult subjects, with religion, of course, among the trickiest.
So it did not altogether surprise me to find myself
enchanted by a recent episode on gay marriage, which really became a window
into how to have civil debates. An interview of David Blankenhorn and Jonathon
Rauch—originally on opposite sides of the gay marriage debate, and now friends
in agreement on many issues—the discussion covered David’s changed mind on gay
marriage, but much more interestingly their process of what they called
“achieving disagreement.”
For this post I really want to excerpt some longer segments
that, I think, speak for themselves. I encourage listening to the full episode.
To have two people agree about how to disagree, that are intellectually honest
in their point of view and empathetic enough to consider the other side is
tragically rare these days and models a better way to converse. I think we can
learn from them how to continue to passionately disagree while remaining not
just polite, but truly civil.
Following are minimally-edited excerpts.